oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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