from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
