i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
