Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
