So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need to stop coming to work sober
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
