I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
