He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
