we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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