I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel great
I just peed on a car
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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