I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
