The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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