Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
