ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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