you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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