People in love make me want to vomit
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
