I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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