omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
