maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
