I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
