It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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