Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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