Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
