whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
