I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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