If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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