In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
