She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
