The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
