Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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