We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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