dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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