I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
