All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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