I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize