You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
