I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
