Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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