Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You ate ashes out of my bong
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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