Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
