im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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