went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
