I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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