You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
