Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
In America we eat man semen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
