Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There r osticjed everywhere
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
