Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
