4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
