You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
