She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You took a bar mat shot.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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