she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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