Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
