Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
