You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
