i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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