It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
