I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
