you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
